One Year Later

One year ago today, I left Switzerland to return to the States, in a totally new place, to start again. Since then, I've completed one of the two school years I'm committed to before moving on to the next thing, meaning I am already more than halfway through my time in Tenessee! It has occasionally been challenging and has occasionally felt lonely but I have had some very rewarding experiences and have found lovely things to enjoy about where I live and about this stage of my life. I've made some good friends and have enjoyed getting to know my older brother better and being closer to my family, in general. Spending the holidays with them all together in my apartment was really special (and I had my first-ever white Christmas!) I've also enjoyed being in school again and being challenged, mentally, to progress and expand.

I was honestly gutted when I left Switzerland, even though I felt like I was making the right decision. Coming to the States, I was met by my own sense of emptiness and some confusion that has taken a lot of work to subdue. I've had to repeatedly remind myself that while the setting is different, I remain on the same course, fulfilling what I feel the Lord has called me to do. This step is just as vital as the ones before it and the Lord is just as present as he was before.

I was surprised by how quickly I felt like I reverted to old habits and thought patterns that I had, years ago, before being a part of YWAM. When I was in a position of leadership and/or surrounded by so much support and accountability, I held a high standard for myself and challenged myself to grow in a lot of areas. Here, I have a better chance to improve more in practical areas, but as far as character goes, it can be difficult to hold onto the lessons I learned. I've had to figure out where to strive for maturity and where to relax a bit and allow myself to not feel hyper-responsible. I have to sort of re-discover who I am outside of my ministry and am still working on it.

I've often caught myself getting wrapped up in my own ideas and questions of morality and good judgment. I've recently been reminded that spending less time on that and more time intentionally in God's presence, trying to be closer to him, has always been better for me and ends up bringing a lot more clarity.

Currently, I am working nights at a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center, which has its challenges but is overall very rewarding. I've learned a lot from the clients and enjoy getting to know them and their stories. When I'm not working, I try to make the most of my Tennessee Summer, as this will likely be my only one. I've been hiking and exploring around quite a bit. From the cove-like swimming holes between cascading waterfalls of mossy forests to the lively cities full of good food, art, and music, I have been pleasantly surprised by what this area has to offer.

On days when I'm tired or have less time, I've been enjoying new creative hobbies and revisiting old ones that I didn't have the time for in YWAM. I occupy myself by making kombucha, tending to my plants, sketching, painting, and playing the guitar. I've even dabbled in a little embroidery!

I like having my own apartment and being able to fill it with things that I enjoy. As soon as Spring finals were over I gave my balcony a makeover and converted it into a pleasant space with plants and seating. Immediately, some adorable house finches built a nest in my Boston Fern and I got to watch the whole process as eggs were laid, babies hatched, they grew up, and eventually all flew off. It was such a small thing but was so lovely to me.

I also have a little dwarf hamster named Daisy, whom I love. She is very round and magnificent.

Now that I feel pretty settled in, I'm realizing that it will soon be time to start looking ahead again, to graduate school and beyond. Not yet though.

Thanks for reading,

- Emily Kathey