Living in Hope

Throughout the Summer, I had a lot of healing in my own life and growth -- inspiration to live differently. I've, since then, had a chance to really put this into practice, as a person who is more in touch with myself through the normal ups and downs of life.

At the beginning of this year, God spoke to me, saying to always make my decisions out of love, never out of fear. I've recently been confronted by many of my own fears, particularly fear of failure and fear of disappointment. I believe that these fears are common and natural for a person of my age, but I also believe that a personality like mine fuels them on quite a bit.

People have always said "You can't have everything." For some reason, though, something in me has always sort of thought, "Mm, maybe you can't, but perhaps I can!" If I just worked hard enough, had enough faith, or arranged things just right, perhaps I could reach every goal I've ever considered reaching. I am fully willing to make sacrifices for other people, but to sacrifice a desire of my own in order to fulfill a greater desire can be difficult. The thought that with each opportunity I take, I shut down another kind of intimidates me, at times.

This makes it a bit overwhelming and even intimidating to have real hopes. If I believe that, based on correct planning and working, I can attain all things that set my mind to, then not getting something or reaching some goal means I failed somewhere along the line – I made a poor decision and missed it. It is easier to shut down hopes – to tell myself that I am indifferent. This creates a lot of emotional passivity

Opening up myself more to my own emotions has been a big shift for me. One of the shifts that has taken place is that I have become more aware of how strongly I desire certain things. In response to this, it’s natural for me to tell myself “No, forget it, that will never happen.” For me to hope is for me to open myself to the feeling of disappointment. I have had to decide for myself, however, if I want to live like that – without real hopes and risks. I have decided that’s not what I want at all.

When I think about it, there are many opportunities that I have missed in life, for sure. If I had taken them, however, I wouldn’t have what I have now. If I had followed my original plan in life, coming out of high school, I would have finished my Bachelor’s Degree by now and would have been on my way to a Master’s. I would have spent a lot more time and money on creating art, which I really love. Maybe I could have even found someone and been engaged or married by now, who knows?

Part of living life and being an adult is making decisions at crucial points and heading in definite directions that can have great rewards and consequences. It is feeling and embracing joy, sorrow, hope, fear, passion, and anger.

God has blessed me so deeply by doing amazing things in and through my life. He has taken me in directions that I would never had expected but would not trade for anything else that I could have had at this point. He has never robbed me of anything. I’ve made conscious choices to follow him in this way. In this lifestyle, every deep desire of my heart that I’ve had, he has fulfilled.

I actually realized, recently, that there is almost nothing that I have ever prayed for that I haven’t received. This includes times when I have prayed for thousands of dollars, for growth in my own character, for ministry opportunities, even for things like shoes! I have literally prayed for something I needed and had someone randomly give it to me the next day. When he hasn’t given me something I asked for, it has only ever been in order to give me something better or for the sake of another individual. If I claim to live this life of trusting God than I need to trust him with my hopes and with my heart.

I’m really hoping to be able to go to university next Fall. It would take a lot of money that I simply do not have. I’m doing my part and have to trust him with it. I’m really hoping to learn to speak a foreign language or two, fluently, to learn more and excel in the arts, and to find a long-

term mission somewhere and to commit to it. I’m really hoping to find love and to get married at some point. I really deeply desire these things. I believe that God can provide them and I’m going to have to deal with it if he doesn’t, as I trust that he loves me and has a plan that is in alignment with my ultimate purpose.

I’m genuinely excited about my future and content with what I’m doing now, loving where I’m at.

As many of you know, I'm currently at YWAM Lausanne, in Switzerland, staffing another Discipleship Training School. If you want to know more about this, just message me and I'll add you to my newsletter list for more insight into my ministry! You can also keep up with me on instagram: @elvishem

Thank you so much for reading!

-- Emily Kathey

#living #health #spiritual