2019: The End of a Decade

It is the beginning of a new decade. While I know that it is just a number on a calendar, it gives me a sense of refreshment and new beginnings on another level.

Ten years ago, I was just ten years old. I don’t really remember that New Year’s Day, but I think it was the last that I would consider a part of my real childhood before I entered into a few years of trial, through many medical procedures and a lot of medication, and then into adolescence. My young teenage years were what I would consider the worst of my life and somewhere in there I really lost my own sense of identity and joy. While I still had many blessings that a lot of people don’t – things I’m very grateful for – I struggled quite a bit with myself and with my relationships with others. At age 17 I really found my purpose and my faith, reviving my spirit and gaining new hope, passion, and love.

I hardly recognize myself compared with who I was at age 14 or so, yet I can remember that time of my life extremely well and can still identify with the version of myself, regardless of how foolish some of my decisions may have been or how deep my insecurity was. The funny thing is, the older I’ve been getting and the more in love with God I have been, the more I’ve rediscovered the young child in me, connecting with everything I was and all that I enjoyed back then. I identify more with five-year-old me than with high school me at this point.

I’ve always had an extremely vivid memory, recalling even small events down to rather specific detail. This year, however, I had a lot of memories resurface in a really unexpected way. I began to have a lot of random, intense flashbacks to my childhood that had me a bit puzzled. I eventually realized that god was guiding me to pick up some things that I had left there and he showed me where I had mistakenly taken up weights and pains that it was time to let go of. It has forced me to be very reflective in a way that I haven’t been before.

2019 has been a year of a lot of introspection for me and a lot of growth as a person, pushing myself in new ways and discovering my own levels of capacity. It has been both freeing and grounding, as I’ve become more in touch with myself, with God’s spirit, and with my goals in life. I’ve grasped deeper courage, peace, and honesty.

Responsibility and leadership have become more natural to me and less of a burden, as my confidence has grown and my expectations of myself have become realistic, leaving room for imperfection.

This being said, the year has been eventful enough to be at least three years in my mind. I started out in Burundi, leading a team there, then returned back to my home base in Switzerland. The Spring I spent staffing a Bible Core Course, traveling again to Egypt, Turkey, Israel, Greece, and Italy. The students I had were such a sweet blessing to me and I had so much fun with my co-staff as well. I’ve been discovering more of a love that I have for not only studying the Bible but for teaching it as well.

The Summer I spent back in Lausanne, Switzerland, taking a Foundations in Counseling Ministry School at the YWAM base. These three months were honestly life changing for me and I made some deep and valuable friendships. I was not only trained to help others, through counseling, but was guided through a process of my own healing and self-discovery. I learned to become much more vulnerable and to allow

myself to recognize a full spectrum of emotions and desires. I saw where many of my own weaknesses and fears have been rooted in and was able to make a lot of progress in each area. The school went at a very slow pace, compared to what I usually do. It was really wonderful to be a student again, taking things in and focusing on myself for a bit. Every day I walked through the woods and every single weekend I went down to the lake to swim, lay in the sun, and just unwind.

In the Fall, it was back to staffing! A new group of DTS students arrived and it has been a beautiful time serving them and being a part of their life stories. We had a lot of valuable learning times as well as many times of great fun.

I love the Christmas season in Switzerland. I’m still overly enchanted by snow, as a California born and raised girl. Walking through white blanketed trees is a highlight of my day – especially on a path where my footprints are the first.

I love how festive the streets become. Everything is lit up and there is music everywhere. Christmas trees are in the large squares and Christmas Markets are strewn about in every city. The old fashioned, warm nature of it all touches both the child and the grandma in me. While my family has been far from me, I’ve been able to spend valuable time with people I love. I also thank God for the ability to stay so in touch with my family during this season.

As for the actual day of Christmas, that was spent here, in North Africa, where I am leading a team of the DTS students. We made a special day of it for sure, and I enjoyed the sense of family that we have!

Some smaller accomplishments that I’ve made this year have been breaking a very intense caffeine addiction, reading a lot of classic literature, getting my first tattoo, building a snowman, growing out a pixie cut, and finally being able to do a handstand (yes it is embarrassing.) We should always celebrate the small things as well!

I hope you have had a wonderful year and a lovely holiday season. If not, I hope that you see a light ahead and grasp onto a hope for beautiful new things.

Thank you for reading!

#spirit #spiritual #travel #living