When You Slip: Bouncing Back

This is something that applies to many areas of life. I have dealt with this in areas of physical and mental health, spiritual growth, and other areas of discipline. What do you do when you backslide or fail to progress in the way that you had hoped? Well, being an overachiever, I tend to constantly live in this realm. I have to make conscious efforts to keep from giving into immense feelings of failure. That may sound sad, but there is a positive spin on this!

I have, unfortunately, had a fair amount of experience with this, as my life is ever changing and has very little stability. I go through times of living in a very extreme circumstance, when my goals and efforts are very focused and I am unable to make room for much else. It can be discouraging, after traveling, to see that I am physically out of shape or that I haven't had time to practice a skill.

What is even harder is when I know full well that I am the only one to blame. When I have slacked off in an area in exchange for convenience or selfish gain. This applies especially to areas of personal growth. I will catch myself behaving, speaking, or even thinking in a way that I'm not proud of and think "well I haven't even changed or grown at all! Here I am, making the same mistakes as I used to..." This is, of course, very incorrect.

Here are some ways in which I've learned to "get back on track" and to continue pressing forward, even when it feels like walking up an escalator that is going down.

Know What Your Priorities are

Like I said, I am a pretty ambitious person, and I have an extremely wide array of interests and things that I would love to excel at. However, I have found that it is, in fact, impossible to be a completely altruistic, all knowing, successful humanitarian/artist/writer/psychologist/environmentalist/musician/linguistics expert/perfect physical specimen; amazing at all things at all times with an unlimited ability to learn quickly and to retain everything. It sounds obvious, of course, when it's written out like that. But this is actually something that I have to regularly remind myself of.

My priorities in life are to be a good person and to serve other people, practically and spiritually, in a way that brings them closer to God and closer to a meaningful life. This incorporates, at different times, many of my interests and passions. However, it is not always essential to be at a masterful level at all times. It's okay to go through phases and seasons. I am not even twenty, so I think I can find time to try and learn new things throughout my life

Be Okay With Revisiting Things

It's okay to have to revisit and practice something again, starting from earlier back or even from the beginning verses where I left off. Usually, if something has been learned once, it is easier to learn again and won't take quite as long. The hardest part is the discipline and practice that it takes to go through the process again. I've had to do this a lot with physical fitness, studies, hobbies, and even areas of spirituality and mentality. Sometimes you have to go back to square one and start from the basics, building a better foundation. One of the biggest mistakes that I often make when trying to pick something back up again is attempting to pick up exactly where I left off.

When I was at home, working three jobs for eight months, I literally became terrible at everything else, including being a nice person and making good decisions. For some reason, I found it acceptable to ignore a bunch of the valuable lessons that I had learned in the recent years. Some days, I would resent every single customer who walked in the door because I was in such a bad mood. I would speak poorly of people I didn't even know and think in a negative way all day long. I made some poor decisions in my personal life and behaved in a way that was out of character. That was not a good reflection of the growth that had taken place over the year and a half beforehand, in which I had been steadily making an effort to be a kind, patient, and positive person. I had come a long way, I felt, only to slide back into this head space of negativity. I had to go back to stopping and taking a deep breath, making a conscious effort to give people the benefit of the doubt; to assume that they were nice and to be occasionally disappointed instead of just constantly assuming that they all sucked. These seem like very basic lessons that a child should learn and it is super humbling to have to revisit them again. But that is where you have to start, sometimes, in order to get back on track.

Comparison is Not Helpful

We do not have insight into the minute details of every single person's life. It's no secret that a person who is incredibly amazing at something has quite possibly sacrificed things in life that we would not or should not be willing to. On the other hand, even if said person is somehow infallibly balanced and perfectly happy in life, mastering everything effortlessly, it literally makes no difference to you or me on an individual level. What makes a difference is your own personal decisions and actions. Sitting around thinking about how you will never be an Olympic Champion swimmer will not make you even a decently okay swimmer. Going out and actually practicing, making an effort, will at the very least achieve that. I can guarantee that action is 100% more productive than comparing.

Backsliding is not Failing

The fact that you have been able to identify areas that you need to revisit and are willing to revisit them shows a determination and maturity that is in and of itself a sign of growth and progress as a person. The goal, for me at least, is creating a sustainable system that is me: a system that is able to rejuvenate and repair itself as needed, at a rate that accelerates as I grow. Being a balanced and well rounded person takes a slow and steady approach. Goals will be reached, but it takes time, and they will not be reached if I am unable to humble myself and to start a few steps back every now and then. Failure would be to give up all together, or to abandon a goal out of fear.

I have, on numerous occasions, prayed the prayer, "Why can't I stay consistently good/godly?" and God then reminds me of what he values more than most of my largely inconsequential or impossible goals that I set for myself. He values humility and a willingness to learn. This takes a love of God, a love of others, and a love of one's self. The more intimate that my relationship with the Lord becomes, the easier it becomes for me to know precisely when I am out of line. There are times when I have done what I wanted anyway, but I knew full well what I was doing. Then it took a whole new level of humility and of confidence in the grace of God to turn things around and to keep moving forward.

That is the goal and it is all that we can expect from each other and from ourselves, as we are imperfect beings in an imperfect world.

Thanks so much for reading! As always, I greatly appreciate it.

-- Emily Kathey

#living #spiritual #health