Obtaining a Positive Body Image

Just a disclaimer, I'm writing about my personal experiences here and what has worked for me. I know that everyone is wired differently and am not claiming that every step I've taken is exactly what everyone should do.

As I've stated before, we live in a society that makes it very difficult to see ourselves in a positive light, refraining from constant comparison to others. I wrote more on this in my last post, so I won't spend too long on it here, but it is an important thing to acknowledge and to be aware of. Especially as a younger teenager, I was so incredibly insecure about everything that made me who I am that I was constantly plagued by anxiety and hyper awareness of every single thing that I saw as a flaw, both physically and otherwise. My physical appearance was something that was on my mind throughout the vast majority of the day, and it was pretty much all negative. This is, unfortunately, super common--even the norm, so I know that I was definitely not the only one. As I've gotten older and grown stronger in my faith, I've had to revisit every insecurity that I had since unsuccessfully attempted to ignore, and I've had to properly face them and deal with them correctly. For me, this meant taking, what felt to me, some drastic measures. As a person who has a tendency to try and shove problems in the back of my mind, or put them off for "later," I've had to be extremely forward with myself. So recently, that's what I've been doing. I've had to reevaluate the way that I see bodies in general, and what their purpose is, as well as each individual "flaw" of mine.

First thing I had to do was ask myself "what is the purpose and function of a human body, in a spiritual and physical context? and what are the correlations between that and my personal concept of beauty?" Christians constantly say "Your body is a temple," but what does that actually mean? Usually it is thrown out there when someone is accusing another person of eating too many chips or perhaps of dressing too provocatively, but I don't know how often people actually think about what they're saying. Romans 8 is one of my favorite passages of the entire Bible, for so many reasons, but it was a chapter that helped me understand what it is to be a spiritual being in a physical body. The body is a vessel for the human spirit and soul, and is not what makes us human at all, really. So what is it's purpose? To enable the human being, which it carries, to preform what they have been designed to do on the physical earth, which is different for each person and in each season of one's life. A healthy and beautiful body, in this sense, is one that achieves this. Having this perspective gave me more respect for my own body and for others as well, and it motivated me more than anything else to keep myself truly healthy.

Now, I have never felt the call to become an Olympic champion, so that level of fitness isn't necessary. I also wasn't meant to be a Victoria's Secret runway model, so there is simply no need to compare myself to such people. I actually prayed about what the Lord wanted me to do with this body, in order to keep it healthy, and I followed those instructions. Keeping up a balanced diet and regular exercise in a moderate manner, as well as actually sleeping, has made a visible difference, as well as an emotional/psychological one. Instead of looking in the mirror and focusing on my waist to hip ratio or whatever, I can see and feel that my body is stronger, which will serve me better when I travel to do missions work, with any physical labor that I may be doing, or when I'm doing outdoor activities, which is something that brings me joy (which is also important to God.) Aiming for "healthy" or "strong" is much better than aiming for "skinny," "feminine," or any other word that's based exclusively on appearance, as those aren't particularly important, when it comes to functionality. They are arbitrary standards that have been set by people, usually in order to sell products and to manipulate the general public. While there is nothing wrong with those things, and they are lovely, they are not limitations or what is necessarily right for every single woman, just as being totally ripped or whatever isn't the end all be all for men.

Next thing I had to do was to admit to myself what I saw as "wrong." At first, this seemed counter intuitive to me, as it felt like I was dwelling on the negative, but in fact, it was necessary, in order to address each thing properly. One of the main things for me was my body shape; I felt that it was too lanky and even childlike--not womanly or appealing enough. I know now that this is silly and simply not true, but that has little to do with how real it felt for a long time. This was mostly dealt with in the way that I just wrote about, above, but this was something that I had a hard time talking about, partially because people around me have often had the attitude of "well you're thin, so you can't be insecure, because you're not fat," and have actively downplayed my insecurities about myself, making me feel like my thoughts/feelings were invalid. This, I had to realize, has ultimately been rooted in their own insecurities, usually. If they feel that they're fat, the last thing they want to hear about is how I don't like my skinny body. There is also sometimes an attitude that it is more acceptable to tell someone that they're "too skinny" than it is to tell someone that they are "too fat," which is simply untrue. Those comments are equally rude and hurtful. Regardless, I have literally had a woman stop me from what I was doing at work to tell me that I look prepubescent, and she felt completely justified in doing so. I'm not explaining this to justify my own insecurities, I'm just showing examples of what I've had to deal with, and what I'm sure everyone has dealt with in one way or another. The thing is, for every hundred positive comments (and cat callers don't count), the single negative one in the mix would always stand out to me. Thankfully, I was able to look at my body for what it really is, and I think it's great! I've become more fit, and I've fully embraced the fact that I have a slim body type. The flat chest and the bony back are actually really cool looking, and I have no problem with them. That's what my body does naturally, and I can appreciate it, just like I can appreciate the complete opposite body type that someone else has. So what I did to help myself here was throw out all of the padded bras and I started buying anything that I thought would look good on a person that I had previously considered more "beautiful" than myself. Putting yourself in that context will help you realize, I think, that it suits you, and has all along.

The next thing that I saw as wrong was my face. I always thought that it was too short and wide, and that my smile looked weird--especially the way that it has always formed deep creases around my eyes, which is why I had always been afraid to have short hair. I thought it would emphasize my face more and I wouldn't have any way to hide it, which is absolutely true. So I cut it off. I adore my pixie cut and have much more confidence with my face, as I have been forced to. My jawline is on display constantly and my smile takes over my entire face.

Last thing was the freckles. I absolutely hated my freckles for the longest time. When I was thirteen, I tried putting lemon juice on them because I had heard that it could help them fade. I wore thick makeup under my eyes and over my nose to cover them. I had always wanted flawless, smooth, even skin. Literally nobody had ever said anything remotely negative about my freckles, I had just come to the conclusion, for some reason, that they were terrible. Over time, however, I realized that this was silly and that nobody really cared. I didn't really mind having them, but I still saw them as a flaw, instead of a good thing. So a while back, I decided to embrace them all the way. I wouldn't put on the same kind of makeup, but my freckles were still pretty hidden by it, so I started drawing over them so that they would stand out more, and I instantly loved it. When I'm tan, it gives a sun kissed look, and when I'm pale, it provides a cool contrast. Seriously, something about being intentional with it made me feel more attractive and confident. Funny enough, shortly after that, they became super trendy all of the sudden, which just goes to show how fickle society is about beauty.

Much like what I wrote about self love in my last post, I think that having this healthy perspective about one's self enables us to become more understanding and appreciative of others. Once we embrace what makes us unique as what makes us beautiful, we will be able to do the same for others around us. As well as this, when we have a proper understanding of the meaning and purpose of the human body, and how little it has to do with the opinion of others, in regards to it's appearance, a huge burden is lifted!

Thanks for reading! I know I haven't written in a while, as I'm super busy working. Peace and Joy to all during this Holiday season!

I am releasing more art soon as well! so if you follow either of my accounts on Instagram (@elvishem, elvish_art) I'll be posting more new pieces and putting them up on Etsy!

#health #living #spiritual #beauty